That Loving Feeling

For this piece, I put on Afghan Whigs “Something Hot.”

“I wanna get you high
I wanna get next to you
I wanna feel everything about you (girl)
I wanna feel good
You make me feel good…”

An almost-finished box of Royce dark chocolates at my side, the coarse dusting sticking to my fingers. I brush them off my shorts and take a swig of San Mig Light. I have a Rhone aching to be opened, the newest addition to my partner’s formidable wine collection, but I’m not ready for it.

Yet.

Contemporary blues with Royce and local beer? Sacre bleu, many of you will cry.

But this is a piece about sex, and that’s what sex is.

Sex has no rules. No patterns, no formulas. It can start off with a kiss as gentle and as light as a strawberry mochi bought fresh from the Yurakucho station, each bite a sigh, the confectioner’s powder puffing slightly with the pressure of teeth and lips, and end as abruptly as the guitar break on a Flogging Molly ditty. It can last as long as an MM Kaye novel, all adjectives and imagery and words that crowd the senses, and end with a crescent and a ballerina’s leap, as beautiful as burst of a 2007 Pinot Noir on the palette. It’s aching for more, like I do that Rhone.

Sex can be divine, sex can be dirty. It can be vanilla as vanilla can be, or it can be as colorful as halo-halo, as native as ube, as childlike as Choc-Nut, or as exotic as sesame seed. But to fully enjoy it, you have to remember one thing: Just. Let. Go.

Spread not only your legs, but your being. Don’t hold in your sighs. Be unashamed to explore. Be unashamed to let your partner explore. Look into each other’s eyes and touch each other’s faces, hair, back, arms, and all the nooks and crevices you never thought you’d touch before—and I don’t mean only with your hands.

Have fun. Laugh.

Discover each other’s imperfections. Your dimpled thighs. His assymetrical ears. That rough patch on his shoulder. The stretchmarks on your stomach.

Tell each other what makes you feel good. What sends shivers up your spine. Tell him again and again and again.

Men get turned on by visuals; women, by what they expect. Use this to your full advantage.

Divert from the tried and tested. Try on a new negligee, take the sex out of the bedroom, do it with the lights on, try out new toys, creams, music, scents. Experiment. Explore. Make it a game.

“No, I can’t do that,” some of you might say. “I’m not like that. What will he/she say?”

This is the beauty of long term, monogamous sex. You can do anything with and to each other, and not be judged by it. This is the same neck you kissed when it was firm and no baby’s forehead had ever rested on it; these are the same hands that once held yours timidly and victoriously, the first time you allowed them to; these are the same hips, once compact and tight, before the bones beneath expanded to make room for your children.

If you can’t enjoy uninhibited, swinging-from-the-rafters sex with the one you’re committed to, and whom you trust, then whom can you enjoy it with?

This is the glory of long-term relationships; this is what those who prefer casual sex and one night stands may not understand.

That after every glowing night of sex, there is nothing that can equal the experience of waking up in the imperfect arms of someone who knows each and every inch of the imperfect you, and still want to make love to you over and over and over again. – Gina Abuyuan

sidebar: Get into it
Subhead: Step out of your comfort zones and into a brave new sexy world

1. Get out of your usual role. You’re usually the receiver, the passive one, the one who slips into missionary after, er, after whatever. Do something different next time. What would your alter ego do? Allow it to take over.
2. Get excited. Women are always told to “relax” to get into the mood—do the exact opposite! Get aroused! Get your heart pumping. Try sex after a workout—or pop in a sexually explicit movie on DVD nights.
3. Talk erotic. Take it outside the bedroom. Send each other random texts and emails throughout the day. Chat each other up (not a good idea if his/her office desk is facing his co-workers, though!). Get over your discomfort of using “dirty” words. Tell each other what you’d like to do to each other.
4. Get selfish. Women have also been told that they should put their partners’ needs ahead of their own. Duh, no. Try this role out for once. Take charge. Pleasure yourself. Return the favor another night.
5. Try out costumes and sex toys. There’s a shop on the corner of Nakpil and Orosa that sells such; there’s another one in Metrowalk. There are thousands of vendors online. Just remember to lock them up in a safe place out of kids’ reach! Good Lord.
6. Think about what else you haven’t done. Do it.



(for more sexy tips for committed partners, get this month's issue of HIPP Magazine)